Instinct Medicine

I firmly believe that God has been before us, with us, and behind us during this entire experience. I feel like the Israelites that were led out of Egypt by Moses. Pillars of clouds and fire that led them where they needed to go, the presence of God in those pillars to show that he was there, and the Red Sea closing in behind them to keep them from going back.

Part of the way that I know that He has been here is in the way we ended up in Houston. At our wedding, one of Nate's mentors from Allied Waste and who also happened to be one of the top 6 guys in the company, literally said to me at our reception, "I hope you have your suitcase packed and ready for Chicago." And that was our plan. Nate got offered a great job with a man he really wanted to work for but we had to move to Chicago in the late spring. We were sad to leave Charlotte, but we were also excited about the position that was to come. We began looking for homes, talking to relators, I began interviewing at churches...all to prepare us for a move that kept getting put off every few weeks.

I will never forget the spring day I was at a nail salon getting my monthly pedicure when Nate called me. When I answered the shock was clear in his voice. He had just gotten off of the phone with the Senior Vice President of the South Region who was offering him the exact same job as he was getting offered in Chicago. Differences being - he had never met this guy, and the job was in Houston. So we had our first big decision to make as a married couple. Where do we go? The job was the same both places and we had to make a decision - would we go work with the ideal boss? Or move to a more ideal place that put us in better proximity to our families? It was going to be a hard decision to make.

A wise friend of mine told me during that time, "Behind every successful man was a supportive wife." I knew that my job was to be supportive and submissive. He was/is the head of our household and I better start following him. This is my responsibility as his wife, it was the vow that I had taken not 5 months before.

I remember the night we made a decision. We had both been praying together and seperately about it. As we were talking in our living room I knew we had both made up our minds. Unfortunately they were not made the same way. Nate really felt as though we needed to move to Chicago and I really felt like we were supposed to move to Houston. We both had a slew of good reasons that we were sticking to. Once I realized his view point wasn't changing I left the house crying and just drove around the corner, sat and cried in an empty space. I was so perplexed with what to do next.

Eventually that night I went home. When I got there we talked again and I will never forget the question he asked me first, "Kim, have you really prayed about this? Or do you just want to be home in Texas?" And I gave him a very honest answer - yes I did want to be home in Texas, but I had also prayed really hard about this and really, honestly, truly, felt like that was where the Lord was leading us. Nate did something that night that has defined the way he has led our marriage ever since...he said he would continue to pray about it and take my opinion into consideration.

I don't remember how long it was after that when he came to me and told me we were moving to Houston. He had listened to me - the one who wasn't being offered the job, prayed and opened his heart to hear something different than what his heart was set on. All he wanted was to hear and do the right thing even if on paper it didn't make sense. About 6 weeks later we moved to Houston.

Don't get me wrong - we have really enjoyed our time here. We have great friends, a wonderful church, fabulous home, but it had never really been revealed why we were moved here until 8 weeks ago. The day we found out the boys were sick.

I don't think I will ever forget that day either. The bewilderment, confusion, shock and harsh reality of the words the doctor said before he rushed our of the room, "If you don't do something about this, there is a 100% both of your babies will die." We went home that afternoon not really saying anything and once we got there we just held each other and cried. Nate put it best when he said, "I am already so attached. You can see your body changing, them growing and I just can't imagine them not being here." And then he laid his head on my swollen stomach and cried. It was one of the hardest days of my life. Not only were my dreams being laid out before me, but to watch my husband weep over his unborn children was equally, if not more, difficult.

The 24 hours were very long. We had left that doctor knowing nothing about Twin-Twin Transfusion Syndrome. We attempted to research it on the internet, but it seemed no one really knew anything about it. The one thing we did learn was that there were a set of doctors here in Houston who perform this rare laser surgery. There are only 4 complete clinics in the whole country who do this - San Francisco, Cleveland, Tampa and Houston. We met with them two days later on a Wednesday and had the surgery Thursday afternoon. All of a sudden why we had been moved here was made crystal clear.

Dr. Moise, the doctor who performed the surgery, came to see us the other night on his way home from work. This is the kind of doctor he is, the kind who has been here since at least 7am and stops by our room at 8:30pm just to check in and sits and shoots the breeze until about 9:15 before he goes home to eat dinner. Some how as busy as he is he still makes us feel like we are his only patients.

I was asking him how long - with the best case scenario - would be let me carry the twins. His response was no more than 35 weeks. He began to tell me about the "kind" of medicine he practices. He said when he graduated from medical school a wise older doctor told him that in a few years he would beging practicing instinct medicine (he actually called it something different, but the word he used, I can't remember...it was a big smart person word - but essentially it meant instinct:)) He said you get to the point where you make decisions based on an instinct. You stop following all the medical books and formulas and apply what you know and feel. He said he would take our boys when he got that feeling.

I know the kind of work this doctor has done. I literally feel I have the best doctors in the world, so Nate and I told him he could take our babies whenever he felt his instinct medicine kicking in. We trusted him.

I think sometimes we should all practice some instinct medicine. So many times we need to have all the answers, all the blanks filled in and the unknown's known before we make a decision. But like with our decision to move to Houston over Chicago - it didn't make much sense at the time. It looked wrong on paper. It looked wrong for Nate's career path. But it turned out to be right where we needed to be. Even through out this experience it has seemed hard to have hope sometimes. Based on certain studies and scientific facts. But we have chosen to have hope in the one who creates and gives life. We have chosen to have hope in who He is and not what happens.

I guess what I am trying to say is when you walk with the Lord and you walk with him everyday...you can trust your heart. That is where he lives, right? I picture us walking arms over shoulders swinging our legs forward insynch looking alot like The Monkees. When you walk with the Lord your heart should look like the Lord's. And sometimes in some situations you have to look over, above, and beyond your circumstances, and what the "medical books" have to say and decide to make some decisions based on your training in instinct medicine. I think in scripture they call that faith :)

Psalm 111:10 says, "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom..." Maybe we should spend less time looking at our circumstances and more time looking at who God is and he will give us the ability to diagnose all of the instinct medicine we need.